Gathering for Good: Why Children Benefit from Togetherness, & How You Can Help

It’s that time of year again when families and friends gather around food and festivities to share in experiences and take joy in togetherness. As an added bonus, many of us should be able to gather safely in-person this holiday season! We understand that gatherings may still look different for many and that families come in all shapes and sizes equally deserving of celebration and support. This season brings gatherings that offer tremendous pro-social benefits for everyone, but especially children developing social, emotional, and behavioral wellness skills.

The pandemic had significant effects on extended family connections, being able to gather again will let us rebuild the social support systems that help children feel they are part of a safe and loving community. Other benefits of gatherings for children include getting to practice language and conversation, problem-solving, social contributions, making good choices, cooperation, reasoning, and social skills. Gatherings can also be beneficial for introducing new environments and traditions and enjoying close social connectedness. Read on to pick up some tips and strategies for making holiday gatherings a successful, fun, and meaningful opportunity for you and your child to engage and learn.

Prepare to Share

Sharing is a prosocial behavior that can be hard to encourage. This may be particularly challenging for children who have spent more time alone during the pandemic. This is a wonderful opportunity to have your child practice the empathy and kindness required to share voluntarily. Prior to the gathering, practice sharing with your child by taking turns, playing games, and encouraging your child to share with you or their siblings. Before the event, have your child decide ahead of time what belongings they are willing to share with other children. Leave items that your child will likely not be willing to share at home – discuss why you are not bringing these items.

Talk to your child about how it feels when others choose to share with you and how it communicates closeness, acceptance, and fondness to that person. Discuss how good sharing can make you feel when it brings a smile to someone’s face. These are powerful emotions that help us form memories, build friendships, and feel connected to other people. Not only will other children appreciate getting to play with something new to them, but they are likely to remember both your child and that interaction in a more significant and positive way at future gatherings.

Family Traditions

Family traditions are powerful markers of togetherness that build a sense of self and belonging. Traditions are based on the values, cultures, and beliefs of each family, and children often enjoy the predictability, structure, and comfort these routines and activities offer. Whether your family runs a turkey trot, gives the youngest dinner guest the wishbone, or watches parades on TV, these are all important traditions that provide security and increase a child’s sense of social connectedness to the adults in their family. That connectedness can help build resilience over time, this can serve to protect both children and teens from developing depression, anxiety, substance abuse, and many other behavioral health concerns. Stable and comforting adult relationships have a crucial impact on a child’s overall behavioral wellness. Regardless of what it is, try to practice a family tradition or two during gatherings this holiday season.

Know the Rules, Then Review Them

To avoid potential behavior incidents when traveling to an unfamiliar home, make sure you communicate with the host ahead of time. Ask for information about any household norms that you may want to intentionally communicate to your child to avoid confusion and fuss (or perceived disrespect) upon arrival. Things like no-shoe households, pet interaction expectations, and unusual fancy-dress requirements are good to know in advance, so you have plentiful time to discuss them and teach your child about social norms they may not have previously encountered. Knowing the rules in advance will give your child the experience of feeling more in control of a new situation (or one they have not been in for a long time). In addition, knowing the rules provides a sense of structure and safety that will help your child feel more comfortable.

Practice Gratitude and Appreciation

Gratitude is a critical skill for children to develop because it decreases stress and anxiety and fosters feelings of optimism and connectedness towards others. Children who express gratitude tend to have better self-esteem, higher performance in school, are more motivated to learn and participate, and have fewer behavioral health concerns.

Some ways to encourage your child to show gratitude at gatherings is to have them thank the host on arrival or help you choose a card or flowers to show appreciation for being invited to their home. On the way there, tell your child what immaterial things you are thankful for, then ask your child to express what they are thankful for. Model gratitude and appreciation when you interact with others during the gathering and your child will likely do the same. Following the gathering, have your child write a thank you note or send an email thanking the host, including a photo from the event is a nice touch!

Disability Considerations

Children with developmental disabilities may find gatherings to be stressful in ways we don’t always understand, this makes behavioral problems harder to avoid. To help your child, supply stress-reducing activities, empower your child to communicate with you and others (practice keywords and phrases or bring an AAC device), discuss the agenda for the gathering with them, practice social interactions by role-playing and modeling socially appropriate behaviors, and give your child something to look forward to by providing positive reinforcements throughout the gathering. You may also want to discuss what accommodations can be provided to your child with the host of the gathering. Can a quiet space be set aside for them if needed? Are there sensory concerns the host might want to keep in mind while setting up the gathering (strongly scented candles or blinking lights)? Including and embracing individuals with disabilities at gatherings strengthens our communities, appropriate accommodations for those individuals is a courtesy every child deserves.

Go Out & Gather!

In summary, social gatherings are important for children to build relationships, establish a sense of belonging, and foster community connectedness. Children benefit greatly from gatherings and all the skill-building opportunities they provide. Practicing the above tips and strategies will help improve your child’s resilience and have a long-term positive impact on their social and emotional well-being. Socially, emotionally, and behaviorally healthy children grow into happy and successful adults. What more can anyone ask for during the holidays?

Dr. Christina Whalen, Director of Research, is a psychologist and behavior analyst living in La Jolla, CA. At Rethink Ed, she is the primary author of Tier 3 curriculum for Social Emotional Learning and assists with the creation of professional development videos for educators. She has over 20 years of experience working with children, teens, and adults with special needs. She is the author of the book Real Life, Real Progress for Children with Autism Spectrum Disorders: Strategies for Successful Generalization in Natural Environments and has presented at numerous education, behavior analysis, and psychology conferences. Dr. Whalen was the initial founder and creator of TeachTown, a computer-assisted behavior analysis intervention for children with developmental disorders. She also worked for various clinics, schools, and research programs. She received her Ph.D. from the University of California, San Diego, and did post-doctoral training at UCLA and the University of Washington.